Loneliness is an experience that many people go through at some point in their lives. It can be a painful and isolating feeling, and it often arises from the sense that one is not understood. When we feel lonely, we may feel that no one truly knows us or understands what we are going through. This can be especially difficult when we are struggling with difficult emotions or situations, and we feel that there is no one we can turn to.
The solution to loneliness, however, may be simpler than we think. While there are many strategies that can help us connect with others and feel more supported, one of the most important is simply to be listened to intentionally. This means being truly present with someone, hearing them out without judgment or the need to offer solutions. Listening is not about fixing someone’s problems, but rather about providing a safe space for them to share their experiences and feelings.
Di Tran, the author of “Drop the ME and Focus on the OTHERs,” understands this fact deeply. He spent 40 years learning how to truly listen to others and be present with them in their struggles. As he explains, when someone feels lonely, they simply need someone to sit with them in the mud where they are in their mental state and allow them to be heard. They don’t want to be fixed, but simply to be seen and heard.
For example, Di Tran’s wife often shares daily life stories with him, and he used to immediately jump into solution mode, trying to fix the situation or make judgments. However, he realized that this was not what his wife needed from him. Instead, she needed him to listen actively and follow along with her story, without trying to change or fix anything.
Learning to listen intentionally can be challenging, however. It requires us to put aside our own agendas, judgments, and desires to be helpful, and simply be present with the other person. It can be difficult to resist the urge to offer solutions or try to fix things, especially if we care deeply about the person and want to help. However, the act of truly listening can be incredibly powerful in and of itself. It can help the other person feel seen, heard, and understood, which can go a long way towards alleviating feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness is often about not feeling understood. However, the answer to loneliness is not to try to fix or change the situation, but simply to be present with the other person and listen intentionally. This can be a powerful way to help others feel seen, heard, and supported, and can go a long way towards alleviating feelings of loneliness and isolation. As Di Tran reminds us, dropping the “me” and focusing on the “others” can be the key to truly connecting with others and building deeper, more meaningful relationships.
